THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. This is good!
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

 

FUCK YOU SARGEANT.

 

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.


Printing and posting in my office now

 

6, 9 and 13 are all me.

 

Speak English at the workplace.

 

Mine is "I'm not actually going to the bathroom. I'm going to go sit on a toilet with my pants on and play Solitaire on my phone because you people are pissing me the fuck off"

 

SUCK IT UP, YOU'LL BE FINE.

 

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

 

I do this too, but I usually just send poop texts.

 

I have this taped to the front of my desk...

 

IF YOU DON'T GET THAT FUCKING GUN BARREL OUT OF THE SNOW I AM GOING TO COME OVER THERE AND TWIST YOUR HELMET UNTILL YOUR HEAD UNSCREWS AND THEN FUCK THE HOLE.

 

Being tech support, there are a few things i would love to say as well:

- Sounds like an I.D.10T error
- What we have here is a Pen15 issue
- Wow, i see we have a Pebkac error
- looks like you need to replace your flux capacitor

 

don't forget "this looks like a classic case of the code 14 error"

whats the code 14 error?

the problem is sitting 14 inches from the monitor

then walk away triumphantly

 

Oh, neat... a list of overplayed bumper sticker sayings!

 

"logout I'm a pretentious prick in a bad mood" ?

 

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder? My work here is done!
37. How do I set a laser pointer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it… like humor… but different.

 

My friend who is an HR counsellor once asked someone, "What happened in your life to make you the way you are?"

 

'Are you retarded? no? Then stop acting like one.'


I might have used this one on a kid at a summer camp i worked at... Poor child, he did deserve it though.

 

Please do yourself these favors:

1) ask if I care (hint: no)
2) learn the meaning of pretentious
3) fist yourself.
4) realize these are, in fact, quite overplayed

kthxbi

 

I use PEBCAK error at work all the time.

 

1)I don't really care, it was just a friendly suggestion.
2)I'm quite aware of the meaning of the word, in fact your picture is listed in the dictionary as an example. My calling you that was a generalization of your 'persona' on message forums as a whole, not just this post. Thanks for caring though.
3)I just might actually try that later. I've been meaning to for a while. Want to come help?
4)Some of them might be, but why not just take a chuckle and move along-maybe let it help brighten your day rather than spread your doom and gloom into a thread full of people having a laugh. Or! Follow my suggestion and log out because you're in a bad mood?

I hope your day improves.

 

Well if you don't really care, skip the suggestions. Friendly and childish name-calling aren't the best of bedfellows.

Based on your insisance here, your tired "your picture in the dictionary, HAW!" cliche (that matches the original post well!)... I'd say you've missed the mark entirely, and might want to ask an adult to explain the word to you using spelling blocks and crayons.

Seriously gross. No thank you. I'll never perform that again if I can help it (and I think I can!)

Or, maybe people could cut/paste something new and funny instead?

Thanks!

 

That's generally the result when idiots try to come at me like this.

 

I don't give a shit what program you are running, no, I dont wan't to be a part of it, and stop trying to make me look bad by being a fucking keener.

 

Pat, I'm trying to not come back at you. You're having a bad day and I get that, but calling me an idiot is just intentionally trying to provoke me. Plus really, arguing over the internet is pretty lame. I'm not saying I've never done it-but it's definitely something I'm trying to avoid. So keep your petty insults and may peace be with you.

 

... and also with you...

 

You two should just fuck each other (Pat and Mosher)...in another thread

 

hey jac i'm here defending your post.

 

Sorry dude...

 

the people that can't say these things obviously don't work in advertising... :lukelol: