Joe Rogan's open letter to Kellogs re:Phelps

markw · Feb 18, 2009

Dear, Kellogg’s.
I’m writing this letter to express my disappointment in your company in firing Michael Phelps as a spokesperson for your products because he was photographed while enjoying some marijuana.
I respectfully would like to communicate my opinion on this matter because I think it’s of great public interest.
First of all, although it is true that Mr. Phelps broke the law, I think any reasonably intelligent person would admit that it’s one of the most fucked up and corrupt laws that we have today in this country. Marijuana is relatively harmless and certainly far less dangerous than a host of other things that are not only legal but also readily available, like alcohol and prescription drugs. The only reason it remains illegal to this day is because it’s a plant and you can’t patent it and control it’s sale, and because if it were legal it would greatly affect the demand for a host of prescription drugs that rake in billions of dollars each year for pharmaceutical companies.
That’s it.
Marijuana has never killed anyone EVER in over 10,000 years of use. We’re not protecting people from themselves, we’re not saving the children - it’s just a horribly illogical law that is in place because of corruption and propaganda.
The fact that it’s against the law is just a disgusting reminder of how retarded our system is, not a reasonable reaction to a proven threat to society.

I have to say, this whole thing saddens me, because I personally would like to think that as Americans we’re better than this. These television news anchors will shake their heads at the thoughtless mistake Mr. Phelps had made by “smoking dope,” and then without even the tiniest sense of irony they will cut to a beer commercial.
This is supposed to be the land of the free and the home of the brave, right? We’re not supposed to be a nation of little bitches giving in to the whims of corrupt politicians and the pharmaceutical companies who’s interests they’re representing.
It’s 2009, and in this day and age with the incredible access to information that we have available there’s no fucking way that we should be allowing human beings to tell other human beings that they can’t do something that they enjoy that hurts no one including themselves.
THAT is madness. THAT is ignorant, and THAT is completely fucking un-American.
I don’t want to hear any of that, “he’s setting a bad example with the children” nonsense either, because we all know if he had a gin and tonic in his hand instead of a bong this would never have been an issue, even though every single study ever done has shown that marijuana is FAR less dangerous than alcohol.
Marijuana laws are a horrible waste of resources and law enforcement, and especially in this day and age with our economy in such horrible shape I believe the last thing we need to be doing is wasting tax payers’ money on any of this victimless bullshit.

I find your reactions to Mr. Phelps situation both ignorant and short sighted.
I think what would have been a far better response from Kellogg’s would be to support Mr. Phelps, and perhaps point out that maybe we as a society should take a closer look at the evidence and possibly reconsider our position on this misunderstood plant that so many of our productive citizens find useful.
Now, I’m sure if you really were running Kellogg’s and you were still reading my bullshit all the way down to this, you must be thinking, “Why the hell would we stick our necks out like that for pot smokers?”

And of course the answer to that question would be, because we buy your shit, motherfucker.
Do you guys even know your consumer statistics? Well, let me fill you in on some of my own personal scientific research on the subject, because I have been closely studying my own purchases for over 20 years, and I can tell you that I’ve been high 100% of the time I’ve bought your shit.
I mean, do you guys ever think about what you sell?
Pop tarts? Are you kidding me? I would be willing to bet that 50% of the people buying pop tarts are stoned out of their fucking minds.
Just to be perfectly clear on my position, I would like you to know that I enjoy your products. I think many of them are quite tasty, but lets be honest; you guys sell sugar-drenched shit that’s horrible for your body - in fact, it’s actually way worse for your body than pot - and you market this shit specifically to children.
You assholes go as far as putting lovable cartoon characters on the boxes just so that kids will beg their parents for it.

Now, I don’t want you to misunderstand my point, because I in no way want anything bad to happen to your company. Like I said, I genuinely enjoy your products.
There’s nothing quite like being stoned out of your mind at 2am watching a Chuck Norris movie and eating a bowl of fruit loops. Your company and its products have been a part of some very pleasurable moments in guilty eating, and I’m glad you’re around.
All I’m saying is that it’s high time (no pun intended) that you motherfuckers respect the stoner dollar. There’s WAY more of us than you might think, and we tend to get upset about dumb shit like this. There are millions of us, and if we decide that we don’t like a company, they’re going to feel it.
I think if you looked into it carefully, you would be surprised at how many undercover potheads there are out there. Pot smokers don’t all fit into the obvious, negative stereotypes; we come in all shapes and forms - including by the way, the form of the greatest fucking swimmer who ever lived, EVER.
Think about THAT shit for a second..
So in closing, I would like to ask you nice folks to please smarten the fuck up.
I would request that you check the calendar and note that it’s 2000 and fucking 9, and next time you think about getting all uppity about pot you might want to do a quick google search on the facts.

It’s 4:40am here in LA, and I’m going to wrap up this blog and to celebrate its completion I’m going to enjoy one of my personal favorite Kellogg’s products: Eggo waffles.
I’m gonna pop 4 of them bitches into the toaster, and then I’m gonna stuff the bong with some fine, American grown “Train Wreck” and sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods in tribute to the unjustly persecuted 8 time Olympian hero. Then I’m gonna get some butter, and I’m gonna smear it on those Eggos, I’m gonna cover them with maple syrup, and I’m going to eat the ever loving fuck out of them.
Good day, sirs.

Yours truly,

Joe Rogan.
Click to expand...

Joe ftw

markw · Feb 18, 2009

It’s 4:40am here in LA, and I’m going to wrap up this blog and to celebrate its completion I’m going to enjoy one of my personal favorite Kellogg’s products: Eggo waffles.
I’m gonna pop 4 of them bitches into the toaster, and then I’m gonna stuff the bong with some fine, American grown “Train Wreck” and sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods in tribute to the unjustly persecuted 8 time Olympian hero. Then I’m gonna get some butter, and I’m gonna smear it on those Eggos, I’m gonna cover them with maple syrup, and I’m going to eat the ever loving fuck out of them.
Good day, sirs.
Click to expand...

Matt30 · Feb 18, 2009

Nice

dannyboy · Feb 18, 2009

cohiba · Feb 18, 2009

Wow.

User1628 · Feb 18, 2009

rogan is the man. good read.

*Jani* · Feb 18, 2009

Loves it!

Snide · Feb 18, 2009

awesome

Leviathan · Feb 18, 2009

I hope he becomes President some day.

C. Mike Hunt · Feb 18, 2009

billybob · Feb 18, 2009

I don't know how anyone can hate on Joe Rogan.

billybob · Feb 18, 2009

For what? Smoking a bong?

TheDirtyFresh · Feb 18, 2009

idrivemyrentsvan · Feb 25, 2015

Joe Rogan is the man! For anyone who thinks they may enjoy a good drug trip, check out this awesome Joe Rogan video:

Leviathan · Feb 18, 2009

idrivemyrentsvan said: ↑

Joe Rogan is the man! For anyone who thinks they may enjoy a good drug trip, check out this awesome Joe Rogan video:

YouTube - Joe Rogan talks about DMT
Click to expand...

That video is awesome!!

User1628 · Feb 18, 2009

almost makes me want to try DMT

User1628 · Feb 18, 2009

shit, so would I

tribeachpunk · Feb 18, 2009

dmt ftl

~*Ash*~ · Feb 18, 2009

Good read!!!

idrivemyrentsvan · Feb 18, 2009

tribeachpunk said: ↑

dmt ftl
Click to expand...

Why do you say that? I've been reading a lot about it on the Internet and have 2 friends ready to try it. I might consider trying it depending on their results

pohead · Feb 18, 2009

After reading this letter..I so wanna hump Joe Rogan's leg so bad...this guy is awesome..only if more potheads spoke out like he does!

I wish he was on RC, I would +rep him everyday

Ty · Feb 18, 2009

LOL! I don't even smoke, but that was awesome. Rogan for Pres.

nb132 · Feb 18, 2009

rogan for prez

tribeachpunk · Feb 18, 2009

idrivemyrentsvan said: ↑

Why do you say that? I've been reading a lot about it on the Internet and have 2 friends ready to try it. I might consider trying it depending on their results
Click to expand...

I have friends who've tried it. Not my thing

maniac · Feb 18, 2009

joe is the man. the amount of money wasted on enforcement of these laws is ridiculous and pointless.

Beckins · Feb 19, 2009

I fucking love Joe Rogan ....... awesome.

Jake · Feb 19, 2009

I heart Joe Rogan.

I could spend all day listening to/reading his rants/opinions on stuff.

markw · Feb 19, 2009

idrivemyrentsvan said: ↑

Joe Rogan is the man! For anyone who thinks they may enjoy a good drug trip, check out this awesome Joe Rogan video:

YouTube - Joe Rogan talks about DMT
Click to expand...

DMT SO fucking hard to get though

markw · Feb 19, 2009

hondasport2000 said: ↑

I heart Joe Rogan.

I could spend all day listening to/reading his rants/opinions on stuff.
Click to expand...

Yep, always a good read/laugh

Kaylahaha · Feb 19, 2009

cohiba said: ↑

Wow.
Click to expand...

ahahaha

Supa Dexta · Feb 19, 2009

I thought the reason he was always absent at UFC events that were held outside of the US had something to do with dope?

...But on the other hand I also thought he was at the casino in edmonton a couple months back for a show.

pohead · Feb 19, 2009

markw said: ↑

DMT SO fucking hard to get though
Click to expand...

I know someone that has some..but he's been too scared to try it...lol

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