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25 Random things people said about themselves from Time Magazine

Discussion in 'Reality Check' started by Bean, Feb 10, 2009.

  1. Bean


    Mar 31, 2004
    Likes Received:
    My friend sent me this at work...it was amusing..I thought I'd share.

    • I used to buy Donald Trump's toilet paper.
      2. I almost stole someone's cat last weekend.
      3. I would do dirty, dirty things to Tina Fey.
      4. I have always felt destined for greatness. So far, this has been a total bust.
      5. My favorite activities when I was young were building forts that spanned the whole play room, dancing to Michael Jackson and throwing my brother down the stairs.
      6. I work "That's What She Said" jokes into every conversation. (See TIME's list of t-shirt worthy slogans.)
      7. My grandmother once told me I was her favorite. I don't think she meant it.
      8. When I die, I want a steaming hot Reuben sandwich shoved in my mouth during the open casket part of the funeral.
      9. I cry during Robert Downey Jr. movies. (See the top 10 movies of 2008.)
      10. My friend Brian and I once brought home a dead opossum because we wanted to "stuff" it. We tried to cut off its head with hedge clippers, but it was late fall and the creature was far too frozen.
      11. I make my own Spice Girls clothing and accessories.
      12. I listen to the soundtrack of Sweeney Todd while shaving.
      13. Fetuses freak me out.
      14. I wrestled a hippopotamus. I used a wrestling move and it went unconscious.
      15. I think it's frustrating that ChapStick tastes good when you put it on your lips and lick them, but if you just bite the ChapStick, it tastes like poison.
      16. On two separate occasions, I have returned to my dorm room drunk with some form of cheese in my purse. (See pictures of Denver, Beer Country.)
      17. When I was little, I pretended my bike was a horse named Satan.
      18. My wife calls me Panda. When a friend of ours found out and started calling me Ling Ling, I got pissed.
      19. I can't take guys who wear sports jerseys seriously.
      20. Danny DeVito broke my pinky toe.
      21. One time, Sean came over and asked what I was cooking. I grabbed his hand and shoved it into the pot of water. I had just put it on the stove, so it wasn't hot yet, but he didn't know that.
      22. I find puppets to be one of the most satisfying ways of expressing myself.
      23. When I was a kid, I confiscated one of my mother's slips and adopted it, calling it Lovey.
      24. The most famous person I've seen in Los Angeles is Bruce Willis with Rumor, Secret, Honor, and Tango (or whatever the hell he named those damn kids).
      25. I'm writing this list for sympathy and attention.

    Another 25 things

    . I eat tacos with a fork.
    2. I was fat in middle school. The wake of that horror has yet to subside.
    3. I keep forgetting that Barack Obama is our President. (See pictures of Obama behind the scenes on Inauguration Day.)
    4. I have been pooped on by a monkey. (See the top 10 animal stories of 2008.)
    5. I am addicted to the ass-slap dance move. Sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it.
    6. When I finally told my now fiancé that I liked him (as in, liked him liked him), I drunkenly gave him the Anchorman line, "I want to be on you." He had only seen the movie once and had no idea what it was from.
    7. Just because I realize that Asian women are smarter, more attractive, and have about themselves a generally superior level of class does not mean I have a fetish. Just that I'm racist.
    8. I eat gummy bears by tearing them limb from limb and eating their heads last.
    9. I can't grow hair on my arms.
    10. Two of my best friends are under five feet tall and I have an intense fear of midgets.
    11. I think yoga is incredibly spiritual. I know the Lord is with me in my downward dog. (See pictures of facial yoga.)
    12. I was born with jaundice.
    13. I was born pigeon-toed.
    14. I was born with an extra kidney. I wish I could have sold it on the black market and made some money, but it was underdeveloped and did nothing but cause me to wet the bed until the third grade.
    15. I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.
    16. A horse once fell over while I was riding it.
    17. I don't believe in democracy.
    18. I cried when Spock died in Star Trek II. (See the top 10 1950s sci-fi movies.)
    19. I drink two glasses of wine every night before bed. Wait, did I just admit to alcoholism?
    20. If you asked me to tell you my favorite movie, I would have a hard time not saying Titanic. (See the 100 best movies of all time.)
    21. I once sent a teacher into early retirement by pretending to be a cheetah and swiping at her from under a desk.
    22. I once ran into New Kids On the Block's Joey McIntyre in the lobby of an off-Broadway show. I told him he was the first boy I ever loved. He laughed and kind of smiled. This was the most gratifying moment of my life.
    23. My friends say that when they shave my back, I purr like a walrus.
    24. I don't understand what people see in the Godfather trilogy.
    25. Sometimes I think pee smells like Cheerios.

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